It can sometimes be difficult to know what pronouns to use for a transgender person if you are unsure of their preference. Assuming a person’s gender based on their appearance can be hurtful. Using incorrect pronouns is called “misgendering.” A simple and respectful solution is to use a specific pronoun until you know for sure.
The Solution: “They/Them”
When you do not know a person’s pronouns, the singular pronoun “they” is the best option. This pronoun is gender-neutral. It does not assume a person is a man or a woman.
The singular “they” pronoun is grammatically correct and has been used in the English language for centuries. It’s similar to how we use “you” for both one person and multiple people.
Best Practice: Just Ask
While “they/them” is a good default, the most respectful approach is to simply ask the person what pronouns they use. For example, you can say:
- “What pronouns do you use?”
- “Can you remind me of your pronouns?”
If you make a mistake, simply apologize, correct yourself, and continue the conversation. Do not make a big issue out of it.
